Domestic Violence Intervention & Recovery

The signs of abuse can be hard to recognize, especially for those in the relationship. You (or someone you know) may be in an abusive relationship if you’re with someone who: 

• Puts you down. 
• Doesn’t allow you to make any decisions. 
• Scares you or loses their temper quickly. 
• Hits, pushes, chokes, restrains or physically harms you in any way. 
• Pressures you for sex or forces you to have sex. 
• Makes you feel like everything is your fault. 
• Monitors your online and social media activity.  
• Insults or humiliates you online, including posting unflattering photos or videos. 
• Looks through your phone and checks your pictures, text messages and phone calls. 
• Is jealous and possessive, won't let you have friends, checks up on you, or won't accept breaking up. 
• Threatens to expose your sexual orientation without your consent. 
• Threatens to deport you or your children. 

If these situations apply, you may be in an abusive relationship and should get help right away. We’re here to support you.

If you are or have been the victim of domestic violence, CVPR advocates can help you with safety planning. Our advocates will work with you to design a plan to leave an abusive relationship. We can help you get a protective order, as well as go with you to court for added support. CVPR advocates can help you access services and resources from other agencies, including housing search agencies.

Here are some ways to increase your personal safety when leaving an abusive relationship: 

• Choose a trusted person. Tell this person your plans and ask for help in carrying them out.  
• Put aside a few clothes for yourself and your children.  
• Hide money whenever you can.
• Gather all important items: ID cards, driver's license, medical insurance cards, medications and prescriptions, birth certificates, marriage licenses and divorce papers, passports, visas, credit and debit cards, bank account numbers, Social Security cards, copy of car keys, as well as phone numbers and addresses of friends and family.  
• Find a safe place to store these items, for example in a safe deposit box or at a trusted friend's house, so you can get them easily when you decide to leave.  
• Open a post office box in your name. To avoid creating a trail, choose a post office in a town other than where you now live or plan to go to.  
• Get a protective order. If the order is violated, call the police. You can get a protective order from your area district or probate court. If possible, have an advocate, friend or family member go with you to court. Keep a copy of the order with you at all times. Give copies of the order to your school, workplace, children's schools, neighbors and other important people. Encourage them to report any violation of the order.  
• Clear your internet search history or use an incognito browser to avoid being tracked or monitored.
• Prepare your children for emergencies. Make sure they know how and when to dial 911 and are not afraid to do so.  
• Find a safe place to go. Choose a place where your partner won't be able to find you. This could be a friend or family member, or a confidential shelter.  
• Stay safe. Keep your doors locked day and night. Don’t open your door to strangers. Screen all calls with an answering machine or caller ID. Change all locks, whether or not you still live at home.  
• Take threats seriously and report them. Threats are not only violations of a protective order, but also possible indicators of imminent danger. With this in mind, keep a log of dates and all incidents of contact. You may need these details later to prove your case in court.

For more details on how to stay safe, visit Jane Doe Inc. and the Massachusetts Department of Public Health.

Fear & Threats

Many people who are victimized fear their partners will harm them if they try to leave. Victims also fear not knowing what future lies ahead. Some fear being alone.  

Most people who are victimized are threatened by their abusive partner. They fear that leaving will increase the risk of violence.

Lack of Money & Support

Many people who are victimized, especially those with children, financially depend on their partners. Sometimes their partners have not allowed them to work and earn their own money. 

And not all people who are victimized have family and friends who support their decision to leave. Some victims are so isolated by their abusive partners that they have no support system whatsoever.

Don't Know Rights & Options

Not all people who are victimized are aware that there are community agencies that can help them get to safety and rebuild their lives.

Family & Societal Pressures

People who are victimized are often blamed by their family for the violence occurring. Some are told to make the relationship work rather than separate from their partners.

Traditional notions of men and women’s roles can make the decision to leave that much harder for people in abusive relationships. For some, divorce and separation carry a negative stigma.

Children & Other Attachments

Many people who are victimized don't leave their batterers because they want their children to have a relationship with the other parent. Other people worry that they won't be able to provide for their children if they leave.

Some people who are victimized feel an emotional attachment to their batterers. They may cling to the hope that things will get better. They may feel guilt that they failed to keep the family together.