Learning To Love Your Body After Cancer

Cancer changes us in many ways, and our physical appearance is a major one. It is often distressing to stand in front of a mirror and contemplate our bodies. Whether we are staring at temporary things, like hair loss or fresh scars, or at permanent ones, like missing body parts, we are different and rarely improved. Some changes may be under our control, such as expanded waistlines and less-toned muscles. Note the may as most of us learn that, no matter how hard we work at the gym, we can never regain quite what we had before cancer.

Living well after cancer means finding ways to love ourselves and treasure our lives.

We are free to dislike any or all cancer-related physical changes, but we should also recognize that these physical differences do not dictate who we are. Time will help with the adjustment, but there are ways to hasten the process:

• Think clearly about what is likely to improve. It may take three years to grow your hair to the hoped-for length, but it will grow back. In the meantime, find ways to enjoy new hairstyles along the way.
• Accept your new reality. Some parts of your appearance may be changed forever. A breast can be reconstructed, but it will never be the original. Your weight and body shape may never return to your pre-cancer normal. It is better to accept an additional 10 pounds than to beat yourself up for not meeting a number on a scale. An amputated limb is not going to reappear.
• Seek out experts to address your concerns. Whether adjusting to the scars of surgery or less visible results of treatment, including changes to libido, seek out specialists to help you manage and adjust. If you don't know where to go, an oncology social worker or your primary care doctor may be able to point you in the right direction.
• Remember that strangers are not likely to see your perceived flaws. Those closest to you may notice the changes, but they will most likely love you just the same.
• Try not to compare your present body with your body before treatment. Instead of self-criticism, practice being kind to yourself. Remind yourself of what you have accomplished and give yourself credit for your bravery and perseverance.
• Make efforts to enhance what you have. Stop by the beauty counter to explore ways to create the illusion of thicker eyebrows, for example. Try out some volume-enhancing mascara to increase eyelash length and thickness. No matter your gender, consider buying a few new outfits or getting a new hairstyle that emphasizes your physical attributes.
• If you hate your scars, a good tattoo artist may be able to help hide them. You can also search online for temporary tattoos and order some that will last a week or two.
• You may feel alone in your experiences, but remember, all of us change as we age. You have good reason to be upset, but also justification for treasuring the intangibles: relationships, experiences and life.